Wednesday, May 9, 2012

What most people don't know.

What most people don't know is that the night Little Cwtch was made, was never supposed to happen. I was throwing a divorce party for starters. That was never supposed to happen. I was supposed to have found my happily ever after with the man I now call my ex husband. Divorce was really the last thing I ever wanted to have in my life but these things happen so a party it was. And Welsh was not supposed to be in the country. He has left to go home never to be seen again (well...until i visited him in mid april) but he did a U turn in Thailand and arrived the day before the party. My cousin had died in a car accident you see. I was really sad. I went to Queensland and swam with turtles and drank with family and ran barefoot on the beach but I still felt sad. I shared a bedroom with my sister and stayed up late and sunbaked and drank beer for breakfast but I still felt sad. One night I called Welshy in Thailand. The humidity was snaking its way into my brain and the mosquitos were chewing on my ankles. I sat on a step in the garden at my aunty's resort and asked my boyfriend to come home. "Can you come home?" That's all it took. So there we found ourselves on the night Little Cwtch was made. In a place we were not supposed to be, with people we were not supposed to be with and somehow we created the one thing in all the world that I know in my bones we were supposed to have. It's a strange thing to know her life was sewn together with threads of grief. Her eyes are like absolute joy. Her smile is enough to break my heart a thousand times over. Her skin is the sweetest, softest thing I could ever imagine in a million lifetimes. I love her more than love. More than can be possible. More than the chambers of my heart can hold. I don't believe in destiny, but I do believe in her.