This is how we met. (It's a great story)

I was standing at the bar, fighting with my ex husband.
(get ready for a massive double standard)
And he is saying something like "You are the most annoying ex wife in the world."
And i am saying "I am not your EX wife douche bag, i am still your WIFE"
And he says "No you're not"
"Yes I am"
"Nope"
"YES I AM!"
"NO"
"I am i am i am i am i am!" (I am extremely mature at times.)
He shakes his head. One little gesture. An annoying smirk.
I.
See.
Red.
So i spin on my heel (that actually happens in real life) and shout into the face i am now looking at:
"This man and I are still married. I just need someone to acknowledge the fact that I am married to this person, even though i am not married to him!"

And this face smiles. And this face looks me in the eye. And this face says:

"I know exactly how you feel."

And as the red dissipates i notice a quarter of his right iris is a different colour to the rest. I like stuff like that.

Things I didn't know.

I had no idea the words "You are so beautiful" in Welsh could sound, well, so beautiful.

I also didn't know that I would be this excited about finishing school.

And one more thing I didn't know. Turns out, taking 100% control of my life is the best thing I could have ever done.

He asked me out to dinner, in front of my ex husband

and I was stuck half way between mortified and mildly impressed.
He is ballsy, i will give him that.
Insensitive? Most definitely.
Death wish? Potentially.

Later, someone asked if we were on a date. I said we were married. Which is true. Just not to each other.

I had my last class today!!!

The journey so far has been quite a trip
There’s been times when i’ve stumbled,
sometimes i still slip,
But the people I’ve met!
The truths that I’ve seen!
I’m humbled, we’ve tumbled,
through forests of green
and red and black and every other colour
always there to support one another.
And from high up here, at the top of the tree,
I realise what i’ve been looking for,
And i found it.
It’s me.


lots of love from the girl who is one essay away from being an Art Therapist.
x

The Stress Express.

All aboard.

My first mistake was buying a Jonathan Safran Foer novel. "I'll read it later." I told myself, already knowing that that, was a humongous lie.
Then there was the stroll to the cafe. "I need coffee considering i am giving it up in a few days."
Oh...and face book. The perils of social networking.
And of course the phone calls to friends, sampling perfume at this gorgeous little shop around the corner, offering my sister a car ride, and of course obsessing over an opening line.

All these things have led me to: 24 hours until my final presentation of my student career and not one word being actually written on the page.

Toot toot.

The thing about grief is:

It gets really boring.
And it attaches itself to people you once loved.
It's hard to let go of because it's all i have left of you.


The other thing is that it fades. Everyone always said "give it time, it is early days." and i could NEVER imagine that the feelings would go away. I forgot who i was for awhile there. I did not feel like me, that's for sure. I felt like a shadowy, sleepy, cynical, bitter mess.

i feel shiny again. Finally.


xxxxx

This is how my train of thought is working right now.

"hmm...i should stop drinking so much coffee. Maybe i will give it up when i finish school! Maybe i can go all new age and only order green tea or something soy! And yoga! That's what I'll do, I'll take up yoga and only drink green tea. Maybe i could open up a yoga studio! It would be community based and all my friends could come and hang out there and we'd drink green tea together or soy decaf lattes. My dad could build it-all exposed beams and fernery through the windows. I'd call it Namaste and only wear long skirts and stuff. And yoga pants occasionally. Obviously."

So. I finish school in a week, the sun is ABSOLUTELY amazing at the moment, and the world is gradually opening up to me doorway by doorway. I'll never open a yoga studio, i can't even do yoga because my mind is loud and my body unwilling. Besides, who am i kidding? Green tea is yucky.