Sunday, October 31, 2010

He asked me out to dinner, in front of my ex husband

and I was stuck half way between mortified and mildly impressed.
He is ballsy, i will give him that.
Insensitive? Most definitely.
Death wish? Potentially.

Later, someone asked if we were on a date. I said we were married. Which is true. Just not to each other.


Friday, October 29, 2010

I had my last class today!!!

The journey so far has been quite a trip
There’s been times when i’ve stumbled,
sometimes i still slip,
But the people I’ve met!
The truths that I’ve seen!
I’m humbled, we’ve tumbled,
through forests of green
and red and black and every other colour
always there to support one another.
And from high up here, at the top of the tree,
I realise what i’ve been looking for,
And i found it.
It’s me.


lots of love from the girl who is one essay away from being an Art Therapist.
x

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Stress Express.

All aboard.

My first mistake was buying a Jonathan Safran Foer novel. "I'll read it later." I told myself, already knowing that that, was a humongous lie.
Then there was the stroll to the cafe. "I need coffee considering i am giving it up in a few days."
Oh...and face book. The perils of social networking.
And of course the phone calls to friends, sampling perfume at this gorgeous little shop around the corner, offering my sister a car ride, and of course obsessing over an opening line.

All these things have led me to: 24 hours until my final presentation of my student career and not one word being actually written on the page.

Toot toot.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The thing about grief is:

It gets really boring.
And it attaches itself to people you once loved.
It's hard to let go of because it's all i have left of you.


The other thing is that it fades. Everyone always said "give it time, it is early days." and i could NEVER imagine that the feelings would go away. I forgot who i was for awhile there. I did not feel like me, that's for sure. I felt like a shadowy, sleepy, cynical, bitter mess.

i feel shiny again. Finally.


xxxxx

Sunday, October 24, 2010

This is how my train of thought is working right now.

"hmm...i should stop drinking so much coffee. Maybe i will give it up when i finish school! Maybe i can go all new age and only order green tea or something soy! And yoga! That's what I'll do, I'll take up yoga and only drink green tea. Maybe i could open up a yoga studio! It would be community based and all my friends could come and hang out there and we'd drink green tea together or soy decaf lattes. My dad could build it-all exposed beams and fernery through the windows. I'd call it Namaste and only wear long skirts and stuff. And yoga pants occasionally. Obviously."

So. I finish school in a week, the sun is ABSOLUTELY amazing at the moment, and the world is gradually opening up to me doorway by doorway. I'll never open a yoga studio, i can't even do yoga because my mind is loud and my body unwilling. Besides, who am i kidding? Green tea is yucky.

Friday, October 22, 2010

The thing about love.

The thing about love at the beginning, is that it's just a matter of timing. It's the he and the she or the he and the he or the she and the she that just fall on the same page, same paragraph, same line, same tiny little word, all at the same time. And you are thinking "wow, this person GETS it. They get me and the world as i know it" Then it happens again!! Then maybe even another time and by then you are thinking "Well if we have covered this much time and space, maybe we should just stick to it."
And then you do and even when you are reading from another book you still glance over and see that YES!! Their book contains all the ands and don'ts and shes and hes that your book has. So you stick with it a bit longer and when the words get boring you look at the pictures and when the pictures no longer appeal you stare out the window for a little while.
Then you work on it and write chapters together entitled "The time we decided to buy a house" or "Once upon a time we created human life." And those chapters are enough to keep reading.

But it's the start bit thats gets you. That opening line. The smile on a tram. The "oh i love that book" that has you sizing them up and wondering if they hold your happily ever after.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Duck off.

I've been drawing loads of ducks lately. They seem to be popping up everywhere with their perky beaks and brisk feathery tails. I think it's something to do with the gentle curve of the necks and their beady, soulful eyes.
Leunig says they are gentle observers.
Maybe i need to be more gentle and observant.