Definition Diaries

Hello blog land!
I have been absent from your wonderful world lately due to school/work/divorce/life/everything. I also don't have computer access at home so that makes things a little tricky.
I've been thinking alot about definitions and the boxes we create around our behaviours to give ourselves bite size snippits of insight. We do it everywhere: "so are you married?" "Remind me to change my facebook status to 'in a relationship'" "He is dating but not dating dating" just so we can sort people into understandable catagories.
The reason i am thinking about this is because although i am technically married to someone, i am not actually married, in practice. I am single. separated. married to a man that i don't talk to anymore. See what i mean? Some things are hard to define....
So on that note, i am throwing the definitions out the window. i am jumping out of the box and into the grey area of freedom. I am just me. and that's the way i like it. and next time someone asks me if i am seeing anyone, i might just whisper "i see dead people."

What you need to know, will be revealed as you go.

This is the week of letting go.

I have moved. I have successfully shifted all my worldly possessions 1.8km from the house i shared with my husband. A 1.8km pilgrimage from Married to Single. I keep wondering if i moved out too quickly, if i should have tried harder, fought longer, bitten my tongue a little more sharply. Then i remember that it's impossible to be married all by yourself. Which is a very good point. Then i wonder why i am talking to myself and if i am actually losing my mind after all.
I'm turning 29 next week. Considering my '5 year plan' has sifted through my fingers like excavated sand, i am trying to let go of all the Shoulds that i had attached to 29. Instead i am focusing on all the Actual Things I Have which is so much better. So what if i no longer have a husband, car or cat? Instead i have an unwavering sense of self and a kick arse optomism that i am exactly where i need to be right at this moment. And where i am at this exact moment is parked on my sisters couch, listening to my niece and nephew play outside with their grandfather. Life is pretty sweet.....

Happy Thursday.

The Part Where I Write Something Down And Ten Years Later It Happens To Happen.

Symmetry is really a gorgeous thing isn't it?

When my sister got married, she said this beautiful thing about always being on her way to that exact moment. That when she was born, a circle was drawn right on the spot that she was now standing. This is where she was always going. This was always going to happen.

I keep having moments of clarity where my life makes perfect sense. I breath out and think: "if i never married him, i would never have moved into the apartment, then met my neighbour, then heard from her about this job which i love so much now." or "If i hadn't have nannied that certain child, i'd never have met her uncle and started working with him and uncover my true calling in life."

Ten years ago i wrote something down on a piece of paper. I have thought about it often during the last ten years. I've made choices that have been strengthened by it more than once. For ten years it's been in the back of my mind. Last night, it had no choice but to take centre stage. The stars aligned, each little hurdle of the night turned into a blessing.

I'll steer this ship, but i have a feeling it already knows its course.