Walterwalterwalterwalter

walter. wal. ter. w.alter.

This is the name of the man who has my story in his hot little hands. Or lap top. At the very least, he has it on his iphone. And I for one, cannot stop thinking about it. I am more excited about this, than i was about my wedding day. I'm not kidding! Although, in light of the last 7 months, that is probably not the greatest testimony to my enthusiasm, but trust me dear readers, i am butterflies-in-my-stomach excited that the ball is rolling on this area of my life. Ahhhh my life.

Lately it has consisted of work, gym, writing, not doing homework, watching my friends band, seeing friends, eating delicious meals and hanging out with a cute boy whilst playing Cluedo.
There has not been much running in there. And when i say not much, i mean none. Just to be clear. I have lost momentum. I know why too-I had a weirdly mixed up, emotional weekend. It was my mother in laws birthday and i struggled between wanting to put some flowers where her ashes are and having angry, angry conversations about her death with my most trusted confidants. It is a year and 7 months since she died and i am still pissed off.
It is 19 months and 4 days since i last heard her voice in real life and i can still hear the ringing in my ears. When does this end?

The further i move away from grief the more irritating it is when it puts in an appearance. Stupid grief. Go back where you came from.

However.

Feeling so crappy gives me the opportunity to appreciate the lovely people I have in my world. And to thank my lucky stars i have such incredible people to hold my hand, hug me tight and wipe my snot away (I am a messy crier.)
So although "Happy Birthday" is out of the question: I miss you, I love you, and I thought of you all day on Saturday. I know you were not happy towards the end of your life and I am so sorry for that because the sun is shining, Summer is coming, and the world is truly a beautiful, beautiful place. xxxx


Happy Tuesday everyone.

The lines of communication have been opened.

I sent my short story in to a competition and i got an email saying that they got it. Someone is reading my work. Maybe right at this moment.

comment

I have discovered this "Stats" button on this very blog. It tells you how many people have read your post that day. I want to know who you people! If you have time, please leave a comment. i'd like to know your favourite song, what you had for breakfast and what you can see out your bedroom window. Do it!!

School holidays and cold finger tips

Hooray for school holidays!
Come a little closer, i have a secret to tell you....after these holidays i only have one term of school left. A very small term of about 4 or five weeks. Do you know what this means my friends? YESSSSSSS i will no longer be a student!!
This means:
1. wednesday, thursday and saturdays will be mine! All mine! For strolls in the parks and breakfasts at noon and french lessons with friends, scrolls by the river side, cocktails on a friday night and rediscovering week night tv.
2. No more driving to no mans land three times a week.
3. I can work more, earn more, buy more stuff i don't need.

SO EXCITING!!!!

I love studying and learning but by GOD these last two years have been rough. Death, divorce, moving, changing jobs-for crying out loud, no wonder i am tired! It has been the hardest two years of my life BY FAR but i have done it! (almost.) It's amazing. I feel light headed with shock that i am still here, still standing and with another little feather in my bow. or hat. or whatever that saying is.

okay i need to go have a little sleep now.

Thursday

Well.
I have found a way to combine the things that are not good for me with the things that ARE good for me. No, no, no, i am not talking about watching The Hills whilst on a treadmill or dating a psychologist. (yes dating is bad for me)
I'm talking about accepting the fact that i will drink coffee everyday. Then using this as an incentive to get some exercise. So, for the last couple of days i have been walking to the coffee shop. Big deal? Well yes it is, depending on which cafe i decide to go to. Yesterday i walked through the St Kilda Botanic Gardens which are SO beautiful. Then on to Acland St for a latte. In total: 5.5km.
Today I was less ambitious and just walked to this cafe i used to go to every day. Total: 2.5km.
I have stopped walking on the beach since that lady got attacked a few days ago. I cannot imagine anything more horrifying. It's been nice to reacquaint myself with the suburban streets i live amongst.

Oh, and i also bought a magazine. a HEALTH magazine. AND i finally submitted my short story to a competition. I then spent the next hour reading the winning entries from previous years and feeling very scared indeed of it being successful. Heart, sleeve etc etc.

The good, the bad and the really really pretty.

Hello Blogland friends,

This post comes to you courtesy of my very sore fingers. Why are they sore, you may very well ask? Because last night i did boxing and i punched so hard that the blood vessels between my fingers have burst. Not it a totally gross way, more like in a tiny love bite between the fingers way.

So. The good news is that on Monday i went for a 3km walk and on Tuesday I spent an hour at the gym. This included:

1. Running 2km in approx 9 minutes.
2. Boxing
3. Doing some weird stuff to a massive ball and putting my feet in some hanging rings.
4. Revisting my worst ever exercise-a horrendous murderous thing called a Burpee. Stupid name, total bitch of a movement.
5. Pretending to stretch but really talking about french films.

The bad news is this:

My Quit Coffee Campaign lasted 48 hours. The problem is:

1. I had a MASSIVE withdrawal headache
2. I completely lack will power
3. I became nostalgic for coffee dates with my friends
4. Coffee breaks at work are BORING without coffee.
5. I just really really like it okay?

I am drinking much more water though and this morning i even visited Coles supermarket to buy fresh food to *gasp* cook. No more lounging about in restaurants for me. No siree bob.

Oh and the pretty? The pretty is everywhere at the moment. Spring is my favourite time of year (well equal first with Summer, Autumn and Winter.)
Check out some of my favourite spring things.



This type of Blossom.


This type of Blossom? Not so much.


We all know how i feel about dresses by Fleur Wood.


hanging out with these guys at the Collingwood Children's Farm




Going to see my friend as part of this.

ahhh...i love Spring.

coffee and other addictions.

hola.

Part one:

So. I am giving up coffee. This is why:

1. I am addicted to it and i hate being addicted to anything. Free will exists for a reason. or something.
2. My friend Kate is doing a mega detox and if she can kick alcohol, sugar and all things lovely, then surely i can give up coffee.
3. it is expensive. i spend at least $25 a week on the stuff. that is ridiculous. The problem is i only drink organic coffee (because i am a wanker) and it has to be fair trade (again, wanker) and it also has to be quite large.
4. I didn't feel like one this morning so it seems like a good place to start.

Part two;

I have a new resolve to become a better individual in general. This includes doing all my essays in a timely fashion, working hard at work, exercising every single day, documenting said exercise in this blog so as to remain accountable, drinking 3 times more water than i usually drink, not leaving washing in the washing machine for a week, eating things other than the things cooked in restaurants and getting more organised in general.

Part three: a sample from a short story i am submitting to be published. It is called Blueprint.

As time goes on, Girl starts writing her own stories, one by one, until the day, when she is

no longer a girl, she meets a man. He has green eyes and is quick to smile at almost

anything. They talk endlessly about love and life, truth and beauty.

He asks if he can give her his phone number.

And of course there is nothing to write it on, and of course he pulls a copy of Love in the

Time of Cholera from his back pack and of course he tears out the last page, scribbles in

lilac pen and holds it out to her.

And she has already read this story and reread it and reread it and even though she knows

all about how it ends, the grief, the pain, the romance, the misery, she still takes the page

and tucks it up her sleeve. There’s no room for will she won’t she second guesses. She

kisses him.

Years later, the man finds a piece of paper in the back pocket of some old

jeans. The creases are soft from so much folding, the ink a faded purple. Right

there, right underneath a series of numbers is a jumble of words, a

mishmash of letters. He holds it up into the sunlight to see if he can

make out what it says. Somewhere in there he reads “regret” and the word

“sorry” repeated again and again. Then side by side, in a perfect line he finally

finds the words he has been looking for.


Part four:

I really want a coffee.

What i think about, when i think about running.

For me, running is not just about the physical action of putting one foot in front of the other. It is more than the breathlessness, the pounding of sneakers on concrete. More complex than the wind on my face, a song in my ear.

Running for me is about proving to myself that i can do it. When my legs are screaming "noooo!!!" and my heart is pounding out of my chest, my brain is quiet except for a few words whispering out in time with my feet. you. can. do. it. just. keep. going. stop. thinking. keep. going.

I mean, that's like life isn't it? We get so distracted with the future, the past, the possibilities, the consequences. So busy in fact that we forget about the right here and right now. About putting one foot in front of the other. We worry that we better conserve energy, fret over the fact that in five minutes we might be too tired to keep going. But what about right now? Right this second? Well, that's a different story.

Eight months ago today, i went for my first run. I wanted to be able to run five K's by March. Instead, my marriage broke up, i moved house, started personal training, started dating someone really amazing, doubted myself, cut my hair, hugged my cat goodbye, wrote short stories, met celebrities, ignored the pain in my heel, read a million books and got HD's for every single essay i wrote.
And now? I am still putting one foot in front of the other...but there is a definite spring in my step.

Happy Wednesday.

Lust

It's all about running (kinda.)

I am lusting after the following stunning items. It's a problem considering i am broke but i am optimistic about a future in which i stick to a budget and therefore can afford beautiful items like the following.



Since my Ipod got stolen out of my car a couple of weeks ago, i have been dreaming of replacing it with one of these babies. I would like to make a promise to the universe that if i am allowed to have nice things, i will be much more careful with them.



I love this dress. Always have, always will. Fleur Wood is like a fairy princess who makes pretty dress dreams come true.



Two tone hair. I used to be able to go to the hairdresser every 8 weeks. She would trim and treat while i sat in a massage chair with a heat pack or glass of wine. Now i use a $12 DIY packet whenever i get around to it. i miss having nice hair. When i finish school and start earning money, a hair cut is the first thing on my list.




cute huh? Imagine how fast i could run in these!!!