Stolen minutes.

It's amazing what one can achieve in such a short period of time when one is competing for some semblance of order and control with a newborn baby.

Our Little Cwtch (pronounced "Kootch" meaning cuddle in Welsh. Actually, the literal translation is closer to "safe place" but a cwtch is a cwtch in my opinion) has been in our world for 5 week now. Time has literally flown. Babies make the tough minutes go on forever but make overall time speed up. Sometimes when I am feeding her and looking at her little face, time seems to stand still. I think babies may be secret time keepers.

The last five weeks have by far been the hardest, sweetest, most challenging yet enjoyable weeks of my life. In some ways, this job is far harder than i imagined. It's the responsibility that is the most difficult thing for me to get my head around. It's not a job you can quit, or have a day off from, or get someone else to do. I have never got to the point where I think "I cannot do this..." but I have panicked about getting to that point in the future, enough to put systems in place so I don't get there...afternoon naps, implementing some sort of a "routine" and letting Welshy take charge often and without comment, are all sanity savers.
It's also far easier than i imagined. I am not saying this to do a disservice to women and pretend like it's simple. It's not simple, it's tiring and when she cries it's like my heart is being ripped out. But I love her and I would do anything for her. The lack of sleep is okay because I love her more than sleep. The frustration when she is awake for her 7th hour in a row is manageable because I want her to be happy. It evens out the balance. Her happiness is now my happiness.

There have been so many surprises along the way so far.
I never knew four hours of uninterrupted sleep could feel so good. I never thought I could be basically half naked in a Mcdonalds and not care because feeding Little Cwtch is more important than caring that I am flashing the drive through. I also never expected that loving a baby would multiply my love for Welsh as i watch him grow in to fatherhood.

She is just so cute. She smiles at everything. Walls, the couch, when i say "good morning pretty lady" in a silly voice. She loves the car and her pram but screams bloody murder if we dare stop moving for 5 seconds. She doesn't really see the appeal of toys just yet. Her favourite games are pulling my hair and decided she needs to be picked up RIGHT NOW whenever we sit down for dinner.

This post has taken me three attempts to write as I steal minutes between feeding, patting, and cuddling her. They are minutes I need to keep my balance and minutes she gives me because even though she is only five weeks old, when she looks at me, I am sure she has known me my whole life.

2 weeks old.

This parenting gig is a tricky business isn't it?

Our little bubba has a thing called tongue tie. I hate this because a) it makes feeding excruciating for me and b) I hate the idea of it being called tongue tie. She is not tongue tied, she is very expressive thanks very much.
So after two weeks of really painful feeding, including blood and cracks and both of us crying at the same time, we have resorted to using a bottle with expressed milk. Welcome to the family, mother guilt. I don't even know why i feel guilty about it. I guess it's because I wish I could just give my baby what she needs without any problems or bottles.
Anyway, we are having an appointment with a consultant on Tuesday to see if we can just get it fixed up and go back to breast feeding. This expressing malakay is exhausting as I feed her, then express, then have about an hour or so before she is hungry again and around we go again. Thank God for Welsh, thank God the baby sleeps for 4 or 5 hours at night, thank God our friend gave us a bottle steriliser "just in case" even though i was hell bent on breast feeding. And Thank God for Skype and the fact that my sister has had three kids and laughs in the face of nipple confusion.

Fingers crossed.

Things I have learnt since becoming a mama.

So I have been a mum for almost two weeks now. It is the most overwhelming, weird, amazing and disorienting thing i have ever done in my life! Here's what I have learnt so far:

Babies cannot read clocks. This is annoying at 4am when they think it's playtime.
Breast pads make good coasters.
Breastfeeding is fricking hard to learn.
The use of the word "breast" increases ten fold, once you have a baby.
Your baby is cute, even when it has sticky eyes and milk and snot coming out its nose.
You never really "catch up" on sleep, but you do somehow function.
Your brain actually comes back a little bit after the fog of pregnancy. I FINALLY know my own phone number off by heart.
Everyone loves a baby. We took the Small One out for lunch and being new parents, didn't think abut the logistics of holding a baby whilst eating (we may not be prepared but check out her cute hat!) Luckily, all the ladies in the cafe passed her around until we had finished. And yes, we did consider leaving her there and ducking home for a sleep.
They wee so much more than i thought possible. All day long. All night long. And especially when they have no nappy on.
Sometimes I have no idea what i am doing. Other times, I am on top of it. Nothing is permanent though and just when you have worked out what the hungry face looks like, it turns out it is remarkably similar to the "i am actually just tired and you have fallen in to my trap of feeding me to sleep. Ha-ha-ha, now you will have to do that for the next year" face.
Midwives are amazing. But some are annoying and i hate them.
Babies are not stupid. The Small One instantly stops crying when she hears the creaky floorboard next to Welsh's side of the bed. Often, just hearing it is enough to send her to sleep, usually though, it just stops her crying because she knows help is on the way.
I would rather look at her face than watch TV.

xxxxx