Stolen minutes.

It's amazing what one can achieve in such a short period of time when one is competing for some semblance of order and control with a newborn baby.

Our Little Cwtch (pronounced "Kootch" meaning cuddle in Welsh. Actually, the literal translation is closer to "safe place" but a cwtch is a cwtch in my opinion) has been in our world for 5 week now. Time has literally flown. Babies make the tough minutes go on forever but make overall time speed up. Sometimes when I am feeding her and looking at her little face, time seems to stand still. I think babies may be secret time keepers.

The last five weeks have by far been the hardest, sweetest, most challenging yet enjoyable weeks of my life. In some ways, this job is far harder than i imagined. It's the responsibility that is the most difficult thing for me to get my head around. It's not a job you can quit, or have a day off from, or get someone else to do. I have never got to the point where I think "I cannot do this..." but I have panicked about getting to that point in the future, enough to put systems in place so I don't get there...afternoon naps, implementing some sort of a "routine" and letting Welshy take charge often and without comment, are all sanity savers.
It's also far easier than i imagined. I am not saying this to do a disservice to women and pretend like it's simple. It's not simple, it's tiring and when she cries it's like my heart is being ripped out. But I love her and I would do anything for her. The lack of sleep is okay because I love her more than sleep. The frustration when she is awake for her 7th hour in a row is manageable because I want her to be happy. It evens out the balance. Her happiness is now my happiness.

There have been so many surprises along the way so far.
I never knew four hours of uninterrupted sleep could feel so good. I never thought I could be basically half naked in a Mcdonalds and not care because feeding Little Cwtch is more important than caring that I am flashing the drive through. I also never expected that loving a baby would multiply my love for Welsh as i watch him grow in to fatherhood.

She is just so cute. She smiles at everything. Walls, the couch, when i say "good morning pretty lady" in a silly voice. She loves the car and her pram but screams bloody murder if we dare stop moving for 5 seconds. She doesn't really see the appeal of toys just yet. Her favourite games are pulling my hair and decided she needs to be picked up RIGHT NOW whenever we sit down for dinner.

This post has taken me three attempts to write as I steal minutes between feeding, patting, and cuddling her. They are minutes I need to keep my balance and minutes she gives me because even though she is only five weeks old, when she looks at me, I am sure she has known me my whole life.