You can't go over it.....You can't go under it....You have to go through it.

We used to sing "Going on a Bear Hunt" when I worked at a childcare centre in my youth.
In the last six weeks, I have thought of those lyrics often. Motherhood and coping with the chaos of the first few weeks is just something that everyone has to go through. There's no secret or formula or anything that anyone can do or say to make it all make sense and run smoothly. Except maybe "you are doing a great job, everything that is happening is what is supposed to be happening."
You'd think that having worked in a childcare centre and having nannied for a few years, that I would have some clue as to what I am doing. That is incorrect. I always worked with 2 year olds and over. Babies scared me. Babies continue to scare me.

I think I am just getting my head around the fact that I have the skills to keep this person alive. Ideas of routine and what to do with her now that we are getting used to each other are starting to enter my head and my inner control freak desperately wants to start a routine o we all know what to expect. I have never been good at taking things one day at a time. I am impatient. This is the greatest lesson in balance (between retaining a normal life and respecting the baby's needs) and letting go of expectations. Gosh it's hard though when you are focused on this one little person 24 hours a day. Everyday. every. day.