Walterwalterwalterwalter

walter. wal. ter. w.alter.

This is the name of the man who has my story in his hot little hands. Or lap top. At the very least, he has it on his iphone. And I for one, cannot stop thinking about it. I am more excited about this, than i was about my wedding day. I'm not kidding! Although, in light of the last 7 months, that is probably not the greatest testimony to my enthusiasm, but trust me dear readers, i am butterflies-in-my-stomach excited that the ball is rolling on this area of my life. Ahhhh my life.

Lately it has consisted of work, gym, writing, not doing homework, watching my friends band, seeing friends, eating delicious meals and hanging out with a cute boy whilst playing Cluedo.
There has not been much running in there. And when i say not much, i mean none. Just to be clear. I have lost momentum. I know why too-I had a weirdly mixed up, emotional weekend. It was my mother in laws birthday and i struggled between wanting to put some flowers where her ashes are and having angry, angry conversations about her death with my most trusted confidants. It is a year and 7 months since she died and i am still pissed off.
It is 19 months and 4 days since i last heard her voice in real life and i can still hear the ringing in my ears. When does this end?

The further i move away from grief the more irritating it is when it puts in an appearance. Stupid grief. Go back where you came from.

However.

Feeling so crappy gives me the opportunity to appreciate the lovely people I have in my world. And to thank my lucky stars i have such incredible people to hold my hand, hug me tight and wipe my snot away (I am a messy crier.)
So although "Happy Birthday" is out of the question: I miss you, I love you, and I thought of you all day on Saturday. I know you were not happy towards the end of your life and I am so sorry for that because the sun is shining, Summer is coming, and the world is truly a beautiful, beautiful place. xxxx


Happy Tuesday everyone.