divorce.

So i finally have my divorce papers in order.

It seems odd to send them off into the post with just a regular stamp. I feel like i should sprinkle them with magic dust or do some sort of severing ceremony as i drop them in the box.
Getting married is so much more....celebratory. You get garter belts and funny traditions like sleeping separately the night before. You get to wear something blue and borrowed, you get a certificate. With this, you just fill a form and chuck it in a regular post box. Where is the undoing of all those other things? Can i throw a bunch of flowers forward over my head and see who will be next to get divorced? Or perhaps walk backwards down the isle and donate all the wedding gifts to charity? It's an odd thing.

I went to get the papers from..him....the other day. I woke him from an afternoon nap and we drank tea and talked about the cat. He handed me the papers, and a paperback novel. He told me to read the inscription. It's a book about a social worker who became a writer. He'd had the author sign it for me; "To Katie, for inspiration."
Sometimes I remember why i married him.

Then we hugged awkwardly as usual and i dropped him down the street to buy mince. All so normal. All so civil.

And now i am moving forward. I have this life with Welsh and gorgeous plans for togetherness and our future. I'm moving out of my apartment, going to Paris to turn 30, then moving to Wales for a spell to live in a village with farmers and nothing but houses and a local pub. (and some sheep, the farms, perhaps a tractor or two.) And I am happy.

In essence, this is why we are getting divorced. Because we both knew a greater happiness existed out there for us. His is living a solitary life with no links or responsibilities and i respect that. And mine is with a man who loves me more than life itself and a future filled with affection, support and love. We could never have given each other these things.

I love the book by the way. It's about a woman who leaves an unhappy marriage. As much as i remember why i married him, i also remember exactly why it didn't work out.

Happy Thursday blogland.

xxxx