Alone

As the youngest of three very strong, opinionated, passionate and somewhat enthusiastic in the participatory sense (ie, we interfere in each others lives) sisters, i have never really had the occasion to feel alone. I break my arm at four, my sister carries me to the house, first day of school, there they both are in matching uniforms to mine. We've seen each other through countless breakups, nights out, tears and teasings for 30 long years.
Sure, we've all travelled....and then we travelled right back to our family home to share bedrooms and secrets and secret eye rolling towards our parents. We've grown in different directions. Paths shaped by family, careers, passions and partners. But our paths always loop back to each other and the safety of looking two other people in the eye and knowing they (usually) get it and even if they don't, they have your back anyway. Unless you are currently in an argument in which case they are on the phone to the other one stabbing you in it until you see each other 24 hours later and wonder what all the fuss was about.

And now suddenly, i am to be without them? Excuse me?
Next week, I'm getting on a plane. Alone. To travel to a foreign country. Alone. To have a BABY. ALONE.

I never imagined I would be having a baby without my two sisters right beside me. Literally, beside me. The face of the father was always a little blurry in these imagining (handsome, capable, luscious) but the faces of the women who would hold that little baby and introduce it to its cousins? Those faces have been clear as day since my dad bundled me into the waiting room and told them they had a baby sister.

My sisters are my family.

And now, I have a new family. A tiny family of me, Welsh, and lifetime of promise in my belly. He sent me a text message the other day; "I just bought you some vegemite!!" He's over in Wales, painting our house, buying furniture and sourcing cots and god knows what else and he goes to the supermarket to buy me vegemite, so that when i open the cupboard on my first morning there, it will feel like home. I think of Welsh and vegemite toast and the baby in my tummy and suddenly, I no longer feel alone.