Just joking.

People keep saying to me lately:
"What are you in such a good mood about?" and "Someone seems happy today!"
And i think to myself " Well yeah...I'm a happy person...."
My whole life, people have described me as bubbly, sweet, funny, cute, happy.

And then i remember, a year and a half ago, an atom bomb went off in my life and wiped the happy right off my face.

People who have only know me a short time must wonder who this person is. Distant, often disconnected, sensitive, bored. Someone in one of my classes said i had an overdeveloped self protection mechanism. And well yes, i do these days. I have grey hairs now, my dad always says "you look tired" and i swear i have more wrinkles than before. I don't trust very easily. I have trouble letting people in. I am guarded.

But the happy is coming back. I can feel it. I have more energy. I laugh a lot. I have stopped crying every second day. I'm not so sad. I have accepted what has happened. I am working on moving forward. I'm going to sell my engagement ring but keep all my wedding photos.

I will never be the same as i was. I have discarded the cute, refined the funny and am careful about the sweet. So no, i will never be the same. I will be something better though. (and yes i did see Eat Pray Love and no, i am not just copying her.)

On another note, i walked/ran 6.5km today. And i hardly complained at all at the gym last night.
Except for saying "I hate you, i hate exercise, and i hate coming here" when my trainer asked me why i was in such a good mood.
I hope he realised i was just joking.